I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
