Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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