all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
