Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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