A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
