to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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