Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
