i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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