Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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