If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
