jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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