i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
