his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
