I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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