my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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