It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
