Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
