no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
