Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
