Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
