Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
