He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
