Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
