I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
