I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
