Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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