I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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