Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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