Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
two words: eviction party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
