He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
