Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
