it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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