We're facebook friends in real life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
