did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
