I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she woke up with a sticky ear
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
