i just wanna soil my oats bro
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
