no, he came in my armpit
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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