he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
