just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
