I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize