Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
