and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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