I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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