I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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