Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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