k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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