You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
