Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
