Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
