You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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