Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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