this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
