And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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