Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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