Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
