so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
