thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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