I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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