I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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