Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
