alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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