New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
