I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
