I think i peed on brittanys purse
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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