my mouth tastes like poor choices
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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