Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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