she was so not down for the gang bang
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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