I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
