Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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