my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
