This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
