jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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