He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
