i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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