oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
