So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
