Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
