what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
